Unholy confession
by Psychen-tied
Summary: Chase is unraveling after the Dibala case. Will confessing to Cuddy help him find redemption? Rated T for physical closeness to put it subtly.


**Unholy confession:**

**Here's my little Chuddy piece. I just love the idea of the two bravest characters together. I love Chase this season. He has evolved, he is no longer the insecure a$$-kissing little boy he used to be when he worked for House: Chase is now a deep, compelling, strong-willed and complex character. I'm a Huddy fan, no question, but House has messed with Cuddy so often that writing her with someone as loving as Chase makes me feel better... until House finally steps up and asks her out on the show... **

**Chapter 1 **

Chase was slouched in his couch with a scotch in his hand. He usually was a beer man but all he wanted now was to get completely plastered -and fast. Beer was not strong enough to accomplish that task. He didn't want to think, he didn't want to even be able to think and truth be told: he was admirably succeeding. _'For once'_ he thought bitterly.

He was a very smart guy, easy-going, caring but somehow every relationship that mattered, that should have mattered, had blown up in his face. Maybe he was a masochist. Sure, he didn't choose his father, nor his mother for that matter, but Cameron... or even House? Cameron was a lousy investment, he had it coming: she was damaged, she had repeatedly pushed him away, she had been a bad idea to begin with. He thought she had changed, he truly did. As far as mistakes go, marrying her had been his biggest so far. Well, one of his biggest mistakes anyway...

Choosing House as unwilling replacement as a father figure was not a bright move either. But at least this was behind him. Now they were equals, well, sort of. Who was Gregory House's equal after all? But the point is Chase was a brilliant doctor. At least one part of his life worked the way he wanted... Well it had until recently.

Chase had called in sick on that day and stayed wallowing in self pity in his damn couch, with alcohol as only soothing companion. Yeah, he will do that: drink, stay in his living room in his sweatpants and drink some more.

Cuddy had heard about Chase and Cameron's separation, Cameron had left and Chase had taken a sick day. She had tried to call him on his cellphone several times but he never answered, which was nothing like him. She didn't show it but she thought Chase was one of her best doctors. She had always supported Foreman professionally, had designated Cameron as her replacement once but how about Chase? She didn't think Chase knew how much she valued him. At one point, when he took some distance from House after the diagnostician had fired him, he started to speak his mind, he exploited his potential and went even further. House by consensual but unspoken agreement had made him his official surgeon, not because he could manipulate him -hell, House could manipulate anyone- but because he trusted Chase, and that spoke volumes.

Cuddy knew that of all House's fellows, he was the one she never really bounded with because she always felt he was House's territory. But if she tried to look at things rationally, Chase was the best: Foreman was brilliant but his ego and his 'House complex' kept him down and Cameron was very smart but her self-righteousness and her soft spot for House made her a liability and clouded her judgment. Chase was the most rational one, pragmatic, and yet he had the most original ideas, he thought outside the box, was open-minded. The three Ducklings had changed, grown up, but Chase was like another person completely. He used to be considered as the kiss-ass, always seeking House'ds approval but he had somehow become the one who most likely could be a challenge for House.

Cuddy thought it was high time she told him what a valued asset he was for her hospital. She decided that if he didn't want to answer her calls she would knock on his door...

* * *

Chase's apartment

Chase heard three soft knocks on his front door through his drunken slumber. After a bottle of scotch and half a bottle of whiskey, he was positively hammered and wasn't in any condition to get up and answer the door.

"Whoever-this-is-jussop-pounding-in-my-head, pleaaase" he whimpered, convinced that he had yelled.

Cuddy had heard something but couldn't distinguish the words so she knocked again, making Chase wince.

"Seiously-sop-that" he said in his current alcohol-related slurred speech.

Cuddy tried to open the door and she was glad to notice that it was unlocked so she let herself in. She immediately located Chase and walked straight to him, worried.

When he saw her, he made a boy-just-caught-with-his-hand-in-the-cookie-jar face and said, his Australian accent thicker than ever "I'm blotto and you're cranky" and he laughed bitterly.

"Dr Chase, I'm not mad, I'm just concerned. Are you okay?" she looked at him, sighed and added "I'm sorry".

"t's okay, just need to go to the bathroom, can't move right now" he said, reaching for the bottle on the coffee table in front of him.

"Chase, you're gonna have a hell of a hangover tomorrow as it is, I think you've had enough" she said firmly but still in a compassionate tone. "Let me help you"

"Kay, bathroom s'way" he said, putting the bottle back on the table and showing her the way to the bathroom. "Wow, my tongue is sooo heavy, does 'at make sense?" he stated, giggling like an idiot.

Cuddy ignored his last remark, gently took his arm and put it on her shoulder, helped him up, leading him to the bathroom.

He stood there, staring at the toilet seat as if he didn't know what to do. Then, not even waiting for her to leave the room, he pulled down his sweatpants and did what he had to do.

"Oh for God's sake" Cuddy rolled her eyes, sighed and turned around waiting for the astonishingly unstoppable flow to come to an end. When he finished, Chase washed his hands as if on autopilot and looked at Cuddy as if he didn't remember she had even been there.

She helped him to the couch, covered him with a blanket and told him "sleep it off Dr Chase, it's very late. I'll be back tomorrow morning to talk to you". With that, she left the apartment.

* * *

On her way back to her house, she thought about all that had happened in the past few months: Kutner killing himself, House unraveling, going to a psychiatric institution and losing his medical license, Chase and Cameron getting married, House quitting as soon as he got back from Mayfield, Foreman taking over the diagnostic department, Chase and Cameron separating... What a mess! She could only imagine what would come next.

The only bright spot had been Rachel. She couldn't imagine how she would have dealt with House's breakdown if she didn't have her baby to keep her grounded. She had felt responsible for letting House down... Of course, Wilson had been a great support, as she had been one for him but it wasn't enough. Watching a friend completely lose it and feeling guilty for not noticing had been hard for both of them.

Now House was back, he was almost the same, well, he still was the same genius. She couldn't appreciate how much he had changed since she practically didn't see him. Was he avoiding her? She has to admit that she wasn't hunting himdown either...

Cuddy thought House would avoid her in order to dodge an embarrassing conversation about his delusion but he had shown he was comfortable with it, he even talked about it in front of a stranger. So what was the reason of the distance he had put between them? Who could tell what was going on in that head of his? His mind was for her like that incredibly complicated device she didn't have any instructions for.

With that thought, after bathing her daughter, having a glass of white wine and a salad, she went to bed and thought about Chase, wondering how the hell she was going to deal with her star surgeon.

On the next day she woke up quite confident, willing to help Chase and tell him she wanted to promote him. Chase had deserved it a long time ago but the recent events had made her job as administrator very difficult.

Cuddy's sister had suggested she wanted to bond with Rachel and had requested to spend some time with the baby so Cuddy put some of Rachel's clothes, diapers and a few toys in a bag and waited for her sister to come and take her for a couple of days.

After her sister picked up Rachel, Cuddy went to Chase's apartment and knocked on the door just as she did the day before.

Chase had an unbelievable migraine and the construction workers with their sledgehammers in his head didn't seem to be done anytime soon. Once again, Cuddy opened the door and looked for Chase. He was agonizing on his couch, barely conscious and obviously in a crappy mood.

He looked at Cuddy with astonishment and just a bit of annoyance "Dr Cuddy, what are you doing here?" he asked

"Wow, I never thought I would say that to you one day but Chase: you look like hell"

Despite his mind-splitting headache, he smirked at her, regretting it immediately when he felt his head implode. He winced in pain and looked at Cuddy sarcastically "I'll take that as a compliment. Didn't think you did house consults -except for House of course..."

"I came to see if you were okay and if I could talk to you" she said, ignoring his remark.

"I'm having the weirdest deja vu" Chase looked at Cuddy questioningly.

"Makes sense: I was here last night" Cuddy stated.

"Oh, okay. Huh, did I happen to pee in front of you? Tell me that was just a dream". He felt a cold drop of sweat streaming down his spine.

Cuddy was tactful enough not to dwell on the subject "no, you were drunk so I helped you move to the bathroom and then I left"

Chase looked doubtful but added nothing. Suddenly, his eyes widened "Oh my God we made out!"

"No we didn't" Cuddy assured rapidly after a stunned silence. "Are you okay? I mean physically speaking" she finally asked calmly.

"I felt like hell when I woke up so I took a shower, had coffee and a bucket of aspirin and I'm functional. I only have a headache, no nausea"

"Which brings me to why I'm here: are you coming back to work tomorrow?" Cuddy asked.

"I would like to take some time off. You think I could have a week to pull myself together?"

"Chase, I don't want you in the OR anymore" she said, causing a dumbfounded look on Chase's face, making him forget about his current headache.

"You're firing me?" he inquired, shocked.

"I'm promoting you. I want you to work with House just like Foreman, not as a fellow but as a colleague. You'll help train fellows and your salary will be doubled. I never told you how I valued your work and expertise and I want you to know that."

"Thank you Dr Cuddy" He got up to shake her hand but he stood up too fast which made him lightheaded. He nearly fell on his ass but Cuddy caught him by the waist. They stayed like this, hugging for a few seconds and Cuddy felt as lightheaded as he was but that had nothing to do with alcohol. She had never been that close to him and she was unsettled by his proximity.

"Cuddy, I need to come clean about something, something that will probably make you reconsider your offer" he said, hesitantly.

"I'm listening" Cuddy said, bracing herself.

"The reason I didn't want Foreman to speak at the M&M, the reason Cameron left me is that I killed Dibala" he confessed, waiting for Cuddy to fire his sorry ass.

"Excuse me?" Cuddy managed to say, shocked.

"I faked the blood tests so that Foreman would treat him for Scleroderma but in fact he was right from the beginning".

"Why would you something that stupid and criminal???" Cuddy yelled.

"It doesn't matter, there's no excuse for what I did"

"Chase, you can't drop a bomb like that and not explain your reasons" she stated dumbfounded.

"Dibala told me that he was about to kill hundred of thousands people, I couldn't just let him commit a genocide" Chase said sadly. "I know I did the right thing but my conscience won't let me in peace" he confessed, his voice breaking.

Cuddy processed all these news for several minutes and finally sighed. "Okay. First, you'll have to see a psychiatrist, I'm sending you to Dr Nolan: he will keep the information to himself. There is a patient/therapist confidentiality but you cannot just consult anyone because when murder is involved, a psychiatrist has to report. Wilson and I both know Nolan: he will keep his mouth shut"

"Wh-what? You're not firing me?" Chase couldn't believe it.

"Why did you tell me your secret? To punish yourself?" Cuddy looked at him knowingly.

He stared at her hesitantly "Yes. And because I trust you" he whimpered.

"Why?" Now she was the one surprised by his statement.

"I don't know. I've seen what you were capable of doing to protect House, I figured you could help me... Or fire me. Either way I had to come clean".

"Chase. What you did was over the line but I do know you're a good person" she said softly, moved by his angst.

"I'm not so sure anymore. I don't know who I am"

"You'll be okay, just stop self-destructing"

Chase took his head in his hands and started to rock his body slowly, holding back bitter tears.

"My life's over" he exhaled, desperate.

Cuddy took the bottle that still was in the coffee table and took a impressive gulp of whiskey.

She then came closer to Chase and hugged him, engulfing him with her warmth, reassuring, comforting.

He started sobbing softly and breathed "I don't deserve to be comforted"

"Yes you do". "What you did was unethical but you did it for a greater good. I don't know many people who would have done the same. You're not a murderer, you're not a hero: you made a decision, took a stand and acted on it. Just don't do it again. You're a doctor, when you have a moral dilemma, think of that oath you took or better yet: come and see me"

"Yeah, it doesn't matter, I ruined my marriage, I sullied my soul"

"Cameron was the first who said she wanted Dibala dead, maybe she'll come around"

"No, I received the divorce papers. It's over"

"I'm so sorry Chase" Cuddy looked at him sympathetically.

She was still hugging him and he finally fell asleep in her arms. She felt something strange: something she felt only once in her life when House was in the coma after his seizure. She wanted to protect Chase more than anything. She soothingly stroked his blond hair and finally fell asleep as well, his even breathing having the same effect on her as a lullaby.

An hour later, Cuddy woke up and Chase opened his eyes immediately when he felt her moving.

He looked at her and sighed. "God, I put up with all her crap: her obsession with House, with her dead husband, with her dead husband's sperm. First mistake I make, she bails. Cuddy... why do my life always turns this way?" he told her, out of the blue.

"What way?" she asked, her voice still hoarse and sleepy.

"Everybody I cared about dropped me like a bad habit"

"Come on Chase: you're gonna be okay, one way or the other. You're strong but the thing is I think you specifically choose people who will hurt you. Stop doing that, get your life together".

"Thank you Lisa" Chase whispered.

She noticed the use of her first name but didn't say anything. Her brain was boiling and she had to say what was on her mind.

"Chase: listen, I won't report or fire you but I need you to take a few weeks off, I need you to go see a therapist, get help and promise me that you won't do it again no matter what your patient did or who they are. Child molester, rapist, wife beater, dictator, I don't care, if you cannot do your job, I'll put you back in surgery where there is no private life involved, it will just be an anonymous body to you. Do I make myself clear?"

"Okay, I will get help. Thank you"

Cuddy had been drinking during her stressful conversation with Chase without noticing and she was feeling a little dizzy. Her heart was pounding in her head. "I think I drank too much too fast on an empty stomach. I'm leaving my car here, I'm going to call a cab and go home. Are you gonna be okay?" Cuddy managed to articulate.

"Dr Cuddy, just stay here. I'm staying on the couch anyway, just take the bed, sleep it off and you can go tomorrow morning. It's late, you're drunk and I'm not letting you go like that. I may be a mess but I can still make a decision" Chase's tone was peremptory.

"Okay, I'll stay. Thank you Dr Chase"

Chase turned on the TV and remained silent.

"Are you hungry? Want something to eat? How about Chinese take-out? We can hang out"

"Huh... sure"

Chase took the phone and placed his order while Cuddy took a seat next to him on the couch.

The food arrived twenty minutes later. Chase and Cuddy talked about the hospital, Dibala, House, Cameron, Foreman. It was the first time they actually had a meaningful, honest and personal conversation. They were both surprised when they realized they had a lot in common and they both felt better. It was way past midnight when Cuddy felt her eyes get heavy. She dozed off without even noticing, her head resting on Chase's shoulder. Chase felt oddly warm and comfortable but as he watched her sleep, he started feeling awkward. This was surreal. He was grateful to have her there. She kept him company, listened, reassured him, she didn't fire him, she paid attention, she even took care of him. Chase rapidly fell asleep as well. They both moved in their sleep, unconsciously trying to find some warmth in the other's body.

At 6:30, Cuddy woke up and gradually opened her eyes. She found herself curled up against Chase's chest, almost lying on him, his arms protectively circling her small frame, one hand on the back of her neck, the other on the small of her back. She should have been uncomfortable but instead, oddly enough, she felt she was right where she was supposed to be.

'Get a grip Lisa, he's too young, too messed up, still married and he's your employee. Plus he doesn't see you as anything else than his scary boss' she lectured herself, trying to be rational. Waking up in his arms made her feel equally embarrassed and warm.

Cuddy tried desperately to move without waking him up and failed once again. Chase opened his eyes and when he saw Cuddy, he was shocked.

"Oh God, huh... Dr Cuddy, sorry, we must have fallen asleep. Or did we...?"

"No no no, we just fell asleep, it was late, we were a little out of it, now I can go home. No big deal, you don't have to worry..." she quickly reassured him.

"I just... I'm not worried. I mean not for me, I just didn't want you to get mad" Chase exhaled loudly, relieved.

"I have no reason to get mad. I actually had a very nice evening, Rachel is at my sister's. She insisted on taking her to bond with her so I have nothing to worry about. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah" Chase looked at her, his bright blue eyes locking with Cuddy's stormy gray ones. He looked intently at her and very slowly leaned in and kissed her gently on the corner of her mouth. His kiss lasted a second, was tentative and curious, almost shy.

Cuddy looked a split second at him, quite surprised by his boldness before kissing him. Their kiss was more confident this time, more passionate. She was still laying down on him and Chase's hand caressed her back seductively. His touch was intimate and yet she felt he just desperately needed comfort. She decided she was okay with that.

Cuddy straddled him and found herself wanting more. She put her hands on his torso and unbuttoned his shirt. The heat was rapidly overwhelming and they kissed greedily.

After a moment, they broke the kiss and looked at each other in stunned amazement. Cuddy had no idea Chase could be so passionate, especially with her and Chase always thought Cuddy was incredibly hot but he also saw her as this unattainable mythical figure.

They were in awe and after a couple of minutes staring at each other, they kissed again more confidently, knowing that the other was equally turned on.

Chase started undressing her and they quickly ended up in their underwear. Chase got up and took Cuddy by the hand, leading her in his bedroom, taking in the sight of the gorgeous woman in a lacy black bra and matching thong. She was breathtaking and all he wanted was to make love to her right there and then.

Cuddy also liked what she was seeing: Chase was only wearing a pair of light blue boxers and he was so sexy with the lock of hair covering his lust-filled blue eyes that she felt butterflies in her stomach.

Their eyes met and Chase just had time to ask "are you really sure..." before Cuddy pushed him on the bed and straddled him seductively and possessively.

Things were heating up fast and Chase was so caught up in the moment he didn't hear Cuddy's cell phone vibrating. Cuddy realized it after a while and ignored it. She had much more important matters at hand...

**TBC – It's gonna be a two-shot story. Pun hugely intended ;P**


End file.
